The Big Banana's topics - tribe.net

I really like banana's

2007-03-09T07:41:20Z

A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas. He said the expression "going bananas" is from the effects of bananas on the brain. Read on:

Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!!
This is interesting.
After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.

Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at wor k leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit!

posted in The Big Banana - 2 replies

Day-O!

2006-11-28T19:21:12Z

if you watch until the end, they get the big bananas!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6obqAG6Ejj0

Day-O (Banana Boat Song)

Artist: Harry Belafonte (peak Billboard position # 5 in 1957)
Words and Music by Harry Belafonte, Lord Burgess, and Bill Attaway
Based on a Jamaican folk song
Other versions in 1957- Tarriers (#4); Fontane Sisters (#13); Steve Lawrence
(#18); Sarah Vaughan (# 19); and Stan Freberg (#25)

Day-o, day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and he wan' go home
Day, he say day, he say day, he say day, he say day, he say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and he wan' go home

Work all night on a drink a'rum
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)
Stack banana till thee morning come
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)

Come, Mr. Tally Mon, tally me banana
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)
Come, Mr. Tally Mon, tally me banana
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)

It's six foot, seven foot, eight foot, BUNCH!
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot, BUNCH!
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)

Day, he say day-ay-ay-o
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)
Day, he say day, he say day, he say day, he say day, he say day

(Daylight come and he wan' go home)

A beautiful bunch a'ripe banana
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)
Hide thee deadly black tarantula
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)

It's six foot, seven foot, eight foot, BUNCH!
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot, BUNCH!
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)

Day, he say day-ay-ay-o
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)
Day, he say day, he say day, he say day, he say day, he say day

(Daylight come and he wan' go home)

Come, Mr. Tally Mon, tally me banana
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)
Come, Mr. Tally Mon, tally me banana
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)

Day-o, day-ay-ay-o
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)
Day, he say day, he say day, he say day, he say day, he say day-ay-ay-o
(Daylight come and he wan' go home)

posted in The Big Banana - 1 reply

I like this tribe

2006-11-28T06:44:50Z

Haha, quality tribe!

By the way, have you all seen this: http://www.sp0rk.co.uk/Archive/Issue3/welikeit_banana_guard.htm

posted in The Big Banana - 1 reply

is that a banana down your pants?

2006-01-02T23:57:53Z

or are you just happy to see me?

STAMFORD, Conn. May 25, 2005 — A former Stamford police officer has been sentenced to 20 days in jail for lewd conduct involving a toy banana. Arthur Bertana, 63, was ordered to serve a 4 1/2 year prison term suspended after 20 days and one year of probation.

Bertana, who had been on probation for lewd conduct in Stamford more than four years ago, was arrested in March after police said he placed a toy banana in his pants and flashed people on a main Greenwich Ave.

Police said he would place a shopping bag in front of his pants, exposing a bulge to women in a sexually offensive manner.

"It was a yellow, plush, child's toy banana," Sgt. Roger Petrone Jr. said at the time of Bertana's arrest. "It had a smiley face on it."

posted in The Big Banana - 1 reply

Health Content

2006-01-02T19:14:05Z

Thanks to www.banana.com we now know that...

Because of their impressive potassium content, bananas are highly recommended by doctors for patients whose potassium is low. One large banana, about 9 inches in length, packs 602 mg of potassium and only carries 140 calories. That same large banana even has 2 grams of protein and 4 grams of fiber. No wonder the banana was considered an important food to boost the health of malnourished children! Those reducing sodium in their diets can't go wrong with a banana with its mere 2 mgs of sodium. For the carbohydrate counters there are 36 grams of carbs in a large banana.

Vitamins and minerals are abundant in the banana, offering 123 I.U. of vitamin A for the large size. A full range of B vitamins are present with .07 mg of Thiamine, .15 mg of Riboflavin, .82 mg Niacin, .88 mg vitamin B6, and 29 mcg of Folic Acid. There are even 13.8 mg of vitamin C. On the mineral scale Calcium counts in at 9.2 mg, Magnesium 44.1 mg, with trace amounts of iron and zinc.

Putting all of the nutritional figures together clearly shows the banana is among the healthiest of fruits. The plantain, when cooked, rates slightly higher on the nutritional scale in vitamins and minerals but similar to the banana in protein and fiber content.

posted in The Big Banana - 4 replies

dirty little monkey

2006-01-02T19:09:53Z

I saw this sticker the other day, and it was funny...anyway....
i googled it and got this poem and decided here was best to share:

A Monkey Poem

monkey with tongue sticking out
programming in monkey

sake sushi bombing
stupid monkey eat poop
monkey eats banana
jackass night monkeys

monkey with banana
monkey humping banana

monkey wrestling
wrestling girls
monkeys humping
jello girls

look joseph fiennes
percaset fun

a monkey
kiddie thong underwear
pain dirty ass
dirty monkey

flux capacitor makes time travel possible
confused dirty monkey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
people are strange!!

posted in The Big Banana - 4 replies

offensive

2006-01-02T19:02:08Z

SO,
SOME OF THE CRAP ON THIS TRIBE MIGHT BE CONSIDERED OFFENSIVE AND SUBSEQUENTLY REMOVED.

ANYONE HERE OFFENDED?

IF SO, PLEASE LEAVE.
IF NOT...
thanks!

posted in The Big Banana - 5 replies

for good measure

2005-11-23T02:17:40Z

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.

He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron.
"He eats everything in sight, the little jerk. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron.

"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!"

posted in The Big Banana - 0 replies

I'm bananas!!!

2005-09-17T00:11:50Z

I love the new picture. I need to spend more time with my friends who are also bananas.

posted in The Big Banana - 5 replies

All this talk of big bananas

2005-08-10T21:06:53Z

Where is mine? I yearn for a big banana.

I am a munkie I deserve it.

posted in The Big Banana - 0 replies

banana fingers

2005-07-21T16:52:46Z

oh, this is creepy. kinda. but funny. kinda.

either way, it's got bananas in it.

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/banana+fingers+1/

posted in The Big Banana - 6 replies

naughty banana

2005-04-23T17:48:10Z

http://gprime.net/images/bananas/

posted in The Big Banana - 4 replies

sexy banana???

2005-04-12T20:10:00Z

http://www.hollywoodtoys.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=ND129109-F&Category_Code=COSMAST

how come i'm not so sure?

posted in The Big Banana - 5 replies

Naturally Good

2005-04-08T22:00:46Z

IT'S A MUST THAT YOU READ ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM!!!!!!!
This is interesting. After Reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas. Containing three natural sugars -- sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber, a banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.

Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression:

According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills -- eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it the perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-pack ed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a ban ana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas a s a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6,B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine,"eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS

PS Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time!

posted in The Big Banana - 1 reply

bad joke(s)

2005-03-19T03:50:30Z

i made a TERRIBLE joke in sharkpup's posting...

at least, i think it was bad? let's compare, shall we?

The Big Bad Banana:
http://pages.prodigy.net/nsgrosky/_wsn/page3.html

posted in The Big Banana - 1 reply

make up a banana joke

2005-03-19T03:37:58Z

a monkey walks into a banana bar and sits down at the bar

bartender, what time do the peelers come on?

posted in The Big Banana - 1 reply

Police Charge Man for Flashing With Banana

2005-03-18T22:48:49Z

A former Stamford police officer has been charged with lewd conduct involving a toy banana. Arthur Bertana, 62, who had been on probation for lewd conduct more than four years ago, was arrested Saturday after police said he placed a toy banana in his pants and flashed people....

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/n/a/2005/03/17/national/a161918S40.DTL&type=bondage

posted in The Big Banana - 4 replies

Robber Jailed After Using Banana As Weapon

2005-03-18T17:01:52Z

Robert Downey had the mask and the attitude to be a successful robber. But he ruined the effect when he tried to stage a hold-up at his local bookmaker's shop — using a banana....

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/n/a/2005/03/16/international/i085152S16.DTL&type=bondage

posted in The Big Banana - 0 replies

banana minions

2005-03-16T23:35:46Z

i have genetically engineered some bananas to help me take over the world. i am willing to offer an island in the tropics to anyone who will help me distribute my loyal bananas.

any takers?

posted in The Big Banana - 6 replies

stolen

2005-03-12T00:17:58Z

from the Banana Phone tribe.

http://www.hoosierhotshots.com/ilikebananas.html

posted in The Big Banana - 1 reply

look

2004-12-29T04:18:21Z

what somebody did. not sure how i feel, but i joined. seemed like the banana thing to do.

http://sanfrancisco.tribe.net/tribe/05294f60-120d-44c2-9b13-ba8ddb1a3d23?r=10447

i'm taking input.

posted in The Big Banana - 2 replies

Dirty Banana

2004-12-23T03:08:01Z

Dirty Banana

1 oz Creme de Bananes
1 oz Creme de Cacao
1 oz Kahlua Coffee Liqueur
2 scoops Vanilla Ice Cream

Blend six ice cubes with ice-cream in a blender until smooth. Add liqueurs and continue blending, again until smooth. Add more ice-cream if needed (for milk-shake consistency). Pour into a highball glass, and serve.

Serve in: Highball Glass

Rating: 9.3 / 10
7.0% (14 proof)
705 calories
90.60 carbohydrates

posted in The Big Banana - 2 replies

Banana Skin High

2004-12-23T02:26:55Z

Dear Dr Hemp,

How do you prepare banana skins to get high and is it true that you can get high off nutmeg? If so, tell me how?

Thanks,
Stoner 19.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Stoner 19,

You can prepare banana skins easily by placing them on a radiator and leaving them to dry for about 7 - 10 days or until they have become rock solid; only then are they ready for smoking. Cut or grind the dried banana skins in to very fine pieces. It is quite strong and the after effects can be quite unpleasant for the first time user. Regular smoking of this really brings out the rather remarkable and almost hallucinatory effects of the metahydrolic-androxyns.

Please look at the other questions on this website for methods of passing a drugs test if you smoke banana skin.

It is also possible to get high from nutmeg; however, you may find it hard to ingest. Please be careful, as this can be fatal.

Regards,
Dr Hemp.

posted in The Big Banana - 0 replies

BANANA

2004-12-17T04:16:57Z

Banana
Banana is the best!!
No other food is nicer than this.
The sweet smell if over everything.
The ripe banana tastes really
sweet and fresh.

It is important to make out the moment being ready to eat.
Find the best one with the color and the smell, but don't eat too much!

http://anchorage.tribe.net/template/pub%2CViewPhoto.vm/context/tribe?currentoffset=48&parentid=93c3a412-3993-420b-b8b3-e22200742fc8&r=10370

posted in The Big Banana - 8 replies

Songs about Big Bananas

2004-11-03T01:07:36Z

http://www.rathergood.com/bananas/

posted in The Big Banana - 11 replies

Banana Slippers!

2004-10-28T06:30:58Z

I think I need a pair of these, and maybe an extra for a present come the holidays!

http://www.crazyforbargains.com/noname2.html

posted in The Big Banana - 2 replies

I'm working on my PHB!

2004-10-13T00:47:36Z

http://www.bananaclub.com/

posted in The Big Banana - 8 replies

Super Banana

2004-10-12T01:34:23Z

Super Banana

What's that? Up in the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a guy?
No…it's a banana. What the hell?

Super Banana - He's a hero and a fruit
Super Banana - I am not just being rude
Super Banana - Don't ignore him 'cause he's food
Super Banana's not a kiwi or a prune

The mild-mannered Mr. Banana unsuspectingly comes along,
and then he sees that someone is in trouble! (Screaming)

Super Banana - he's here to save the day
Super Banana - use a pen to draw his face
Super Banana - he's never, ever late
Super Banana - he's really, really great

(Screaming) So he leaps into action and becomes Super Banana!

Super Banana - he will staple on his cape
Super Banana - he will save you from a rape
Super Banana - he's adorable
Everybody loves him, from people to vegetables

I'll save you! (Screaming) Oh, Super Banana, my hero!

Super Banana

posted in The Big Banana - 0 replies

Ring ring ring

2004-06-28T08:53:07Z

http://webpages.charter.net/redemption/banana/

posted in The Big Banana - 7 replies

Knock Knock

2004-06-05T23:50:10Z

Knock Knock,

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock Knock,

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock Knock,

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock Knock,

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock Knock,

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock Knock,

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange ya glad I didn't say banana?

posted in The Big Banana - 2 replies

Banana here!!!

2004-06-04T19:01:41Z

I cannot believe I did not know of this tribe sooner! Hello to all you Banana lovers!

The Banana Goddess

posted in The Big Banana - 2 replies

cool drink

2004-05-28T02:28:53Z

does this sound good to anyone else but me?

The Big Banana!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ingredients:

* 2 oz Rum
* 2 oz Amaretto
* 2 oz Coconut rum
* 2 oz Creme de banane
* 8 oz Pineapple juice

Mixing instructions:

Over Ice in a 20oz Glass Pour booze in first and top with Pineapple, giving it a two layered look with the brown amaretto on bottom,. Two straws, Two cherries.

Creator/contributor's comments:

From Banana's Bar and Grill, Portsmouth, NH.

posted in The Big Banana - 2 replies

STOLEN

2004-04-30T21:32:24Z

From another tribe (but pertinent):

http://www.bananaguard.com/

posted in The Big Banana - 12 replies

popsicle

2004-04-29T19:42:04Z

i was at a friends house last night and given the choice of three flavors of popsicle: lime, root beer and banana

guess which one i picked? ha! so, do you like banana popsicles? what flavor is your favorite?

posted in The Big Banana - 5 replies

just a hello from a new person

2004-03-04T16:00:20Z

hello from a new person......I hope all is well with each and everyone of you

posted in The Big Banana - 13 replies

What does it mean to you?

2004-03-04T15:58:36Z

So, I am curious. What does "The Big Banana" mean to you?

posted in The Big Banana - 4 replies

banana recipes

2004-02-26T07:03:28Z

anyone want to share any good ones? i figure this is the place to ask.

posted in The Big Banana - 2 replies

fun. almost relevant!

2004-02-23T19:50:22Z

just got this from a friend, and it cracked me up.

I'm Boobie Bananasniffer.

-----------------------------------------------

The following idea comes from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
> a = poopsie b = lumpy
> c = buttercup d = gadget
> e = crusty f = greasy
> g = fluffy h = cheeseball
> i = chim-chim j = stinky
> k = flunky l = boobie
> m = pinky n = zippy
> o = goober p = doofus
> q = slimy r = loopy
> s = snotty t = tootie
> u = dorkey v = squeezit
> w = oprah x = skipper
> y = dinky z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
> a = apple b = toilet
> c = giggle d = burger
> e = girdle f = barf
> g = lizard h = waffle
> i = cootie j = monkey
> k = potty l = liver
> m = banana n = rhino
> o = bubble p = hamster
> q = toad r = gizzard
> s = pizza t = gerbil
> u = chicken v = pickle
> w = chuckle x = tofu
> y = gorilla z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
> a = head b = mouth
> c = face d = nose
> e = tush f = breath
> g = pants h = shorts
> i = lips j = honker
> k = butt l = brain
> m = tushie n = chunks
> o = hiney p = biscuits
> q = toes r = buns
> s = fanny t = sniffer
> u = sprinkles v = kisser
> w = squirt x = humperdinck
> y = brains z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.

And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day.

posted in The Big Banana - 56 replies

Banana Breath

2004-02-12T19:58:42Z

I came across this and simply had to share, ONLY because of the bananas!

The Three Planets

©1993 by Bob Kanefsky, Kanef@Songworm.com

Once upon a time the Star Goddess made three little planets: a yellow planet, a red planet, and a baby blue planet. She took them fresh and piping hot from her cauldron. Then she tried to plant her flowers and trees and grass on the planets, but all three of them were still too hot. So she tried blowing on them to cool them off, but they were still too hot. So she tried spitting on them to cool them off, but they were still too hot. So she set them aside in the corner of the Galaxy to cool down for a few billion years, but so they wouldn’t cool down too much for the flowers and trees and grass to grow, she went around and gathered up some fuel and built a nice warm cheery little sun to shine on them. Of course, she couldn’t put all the planets in the same place, because they would bump into each other, so, she put the yellow planet a little closer to the Sun, and the red planet a little further out, and the baby blue planet she put right in the middle.

After a while, the yellow planet, which was sitting too close to the sun, got really hot. It got so hot that the Goddess’s breath, which was still sticking to the yellow planet, turned all foul and yucky. It got sohot that the Goddess’s spit, which was still sticking to the yellow planet, all fizzled away, just like water on a hot stove.

Meanwhile, the red planet, which was sitting too far from the sun, cooled down a lot. It got socold that the Goddess’s breath, which was still sticking to the red planet, frosted over in places. It got socold that the Goddess’s spit, which was still sticking to the red planet, froze up and disappeared, just like frost in a frost-free freezer.

But meanwhile, the blue planet, which was not too far from the sun and not too close to the sun, cooled off until it was really nice. It was SO nice that some of the seeds the Star Goddess had planted were starting to grow, and the soft grasses made a nice warm place to lie down and rest, and the tall trees were all nice and shady and kept things cool, and the flowers grew all over the place in beautiful gardens. It was sonice that buttlerflies and bees and bunny rabbits came to live in the gardens where the Goddess had planted seeds, and birds came to fly in the air that was the Goddess’s breath, and fish came to swim in the oceans that were the Goddess’s spit.

A little while later, a monkey came around looking for a place to live. First it tried living on the yellow planet, but it was too hot. Then it tried living on the red planet, but it was too cold. Finally it tried living on the baby blue planet, and it was just right.

So the monkey decided to settle down on the blue planet, and it went looking for just the right spot to live. First it tried living in the Atlantic Ocean, but it was too wet. Then it tried living in the Grand Canyon, but it was too dry. Finally it found this beautiful big garden in northern Africa, and it was just right. It was full of soft grasses to sleep in and fruit to eat and trees to climb and beautiful flowers to smell, with bunny rabbits hopping through the grass and bees buzzing through the flowers and deer chasing butterflies through the forests. And the monkey said to itself, “Look, someone has made this beautiful garden just for me. I think I’ll live here.”

And the monkey named the garden, and it called it the Sahara Garden.

And there were all sorts of good things to eat in the Sahara Garden. There were apples, and bananas, and cantaloups, and dates, and eggplant, and figs, and guava, and honeydew, and kiwifruit, and lemons, and mangos, and nectarines, and papayas, and raspberries, and something for just about every letter of the alphabet. But the monkey never got as far as zuchini; in fact, it liked bananas so much that it stopped at “B”. So it chopped down all the other plants so it could plant just banana trees and have all the bananas it could eat. And everywhere it went, it picked bananas, peeled bananas, ate bananas, and tossed banana peels over its shoulder. And everywhere it went, it left a trail of banana peels. And everywhere it went, all the cute little deer would scamper after it, slip on the banana peels, and break their necks. Pretty soon there were no more deer left to chase the butterflies through the forests (I mean through the banana plantations), and the butterflies got no exercise at all, and so all the butterflies got fat and lazy and took to crawling around on the ground instead of flying on their beautiful wings, and the little bunny rabbits hopping through the forest (I mean through the banana plantations) kept hopping right on the butterflies and squashing them flat. Meanwhile, the bees, who used to drink the nectar of the apple blossoms and the cantaloup blossoms and the mango blossoms and all the rest, had nothing to drink but sickly sweet banana blossom nectar, which made them so hyperactive that they started stinging bunny rabbits on the nose, until all the bees and bunny rabbits were gone. With no bees to fertilize them, the banana trees started producing fewer bananas. When the monkey saw this, it knew what it had to do. It went around and found all the surviving trees it could that were not banana trees, and it chopped them down so it could plant more banana trees to make up for some of the loss.

Then one day the Star Goddess came back to see how her planets were doing. First she checked on the red planet, and said “Brr! This one came out too cold.” Then she checked on the yellow planet, and said “Ouch! This one came out too hot.”

Finally she checked on the baby blue planet, and said “Ah! This one came out just right.” So she went around the planet admiring her handiwork. She was particularly proud of the pretty shade of blue the oceans turned out. But then she noticed that the pretty blue oceans had all sorts of junk floating in them: an old inner tube, an old rubber ducky, and old bar of soap, and all sorts of stuff like that. “Somebody’s been swimming in my ocean,” she said. But she continued her tour, and was admiring the beautify way the colored layers of earth had turned out in the Grand Canyon when she noticed that there was junk lying all around there too: old sun glasses, old beach towels, old paper cups from banana daiquiris, and all sorts of stuff like that. “Somebody’s been sun-bathing in my desert,” she said.

But she continued her tour, and was admiring the trees and grasses and flowers in Northern Africa when she noticed this big ugly patch in the middle that was full of nothing but banana trees with no bananas. And right smack in the middle of that was a very fat monkey with banana breath. “Somebody’s been living in my garden,” she said. “And there it is, right there!”

The monkey looked up and beheld the face of the Goddess, and said “Hey! Are you the lady in charge here? I have some complaints. These banana trees aren’t producing as much as they’re supposed to, and there are squashed bugs of some kind all over the ground, and everything’s starting to smell funny, and‹ hey! What happened to the sun?” because the Goddess had picked up the whole blue planet and tilted it so that the northern hemisphere was pointed away from the sun. And she said “Foolish monkey! Do you want to throw everything out of balance so that the blue planet winds up too cold, like the red planet?” It started getting very dark and very cold, and the monkey’s long toes curled up until they were just little stubs, too short to pick up a banana, and the monkey’s tail got frostbite and fell off.

The monkey fell to its knees and said “Oh great and powerful Goddess, bring back the sun from wherever you hid it, and I’ll sacrifice to you, uh, this dead deer!” But the Goddess was not appeased, and said, “So, you want the sun back again? Do you want to throw everything out of balance so that the blue planet winds up too hot, like the yellow planet?” This time the Goddess tilted the blue planet so that the northern hemisphere was right under the sun. It started getting very bright and very hot, and most of the monkey’s fur fell out. And the monkey said “Oh great and powerful Goddess, put back the sun where it belongs, and I’ll burn for you this incense of, er, banana leaf!”

But the Goddess was not appeased, and said “Put that awful thing out before you stink up the whole planet! Tell you what. I’ll put it back again, but just to remind you of how delicate the balance is, I’m going to set things up so it gets a little too hot sometimes, and a little too cold sometimes. Now be a good monkey and play nice with the other animals.”

And to this day, everyone who lives on the blue planet gets reminded once a year of what it’s like when it gets too hot, and what it’s like when it gets too cold, and not to take it for granted when it’s just right.

The End

posted in The Big Banana - 5 replies

The Real Thing

2004-02-10T23:08:25Z

Don't know if this has been mentioned before, but there is a well know (to Aussies) Australian landmark called the Big Banana. The Big Banana is a 15 meter long replica of a banana, with a theme park attached. Went into receivership in the mid 90s, but think it's still running. Check it out for yourself:

http://www.bigbanana.com

posted in The Big Banana - 5 replies

Banana Baffles British Boffins

2004-02-03T05:30:36Z

Banana Baffles British Boffins
By Oliver Green

A 500-year-old banana skin has been discovered in London, which predates the earliest recorded arrival of a banana in Britain by 150 years. Archaeologists are stunned by the rogue fruit, which has shattered the conventional wisdom of British banana eaters.

Archaeologists first thought the find was a practical joke perpetrated by devious anarchists who want to vilify Thomas Johnson, a 16th century herbalist who falsely claimed to have imported the first bananas into Britain. Johnson, obviously a self-aggrandising maniac, hung his hand in the window of his shop in Snow Hill where it became an object of curiosity in 1633. Whoever ate the banana whose skin was excavated last week from a stinky pit in the lower Thames must have been livid at upstart Johnson -- or dead and unable to raise a complaint.

The banana skin was rashly tossed into a fish-rearing tank near Southwark, on the south bank, after its contents were eaten sometime around the year 1500 in the Tudor period. Dave Saxby, chief archaeologist from the Museum of London, and the supervisor of the dig, lamented that the site is "a big smelly hole in the ground." The fish-rearing tanks were abandoned as the Thames became saturated with raw sewage, soil and rubbish. The skin, blackening but miraculously not decomposing, would have been protected by the detritus from the savage inferno of the 1666 Great Fire of London and the various calamities London has suffered since. The banana skin would have cowered under rotting sludge during Nazi bombing, and lain dormant while freakish Spaniards led an invasion fleet upriver.

Whoever ate the yellow fruit would have been a brave soul: in Tudor England, fresh fruit was thought to cause ghastly and agonizing diseases, and was therefore treated with great wariness and suspicion. Pickled, cooked, and dried fruits were acceptable, and archaeologists are looking into whether the earliest banana in Britain was perhaps pickled. The banana's ancestry is unknown, but it dates from when Spain and Portugal were chummy with Britain and probably comes from one of their West African colonies. Today the banana skin is black, shriveled, and bears very little resemblance to any contemporary bananas.

May the revised history of Britain's banana imports benefit mankind and advance civilization.

posted in The Big Banana - 3 replies

banana sex toy

2004-01-31T04:55:27Z

www.homemade-sex-toys.com/banana-bonanza.html

posted in The Big Banana - 5 replies

Enlightenment!!

2004-01-31T00:53:09Z

Thanks for inviting me to this tribe..(ROB)... all this time I thought I was the only one fascinated by bannana's. (in that weird sort of way) I am so happy to find so many other *twisted* people on a web page. I may not have many sights to add to the list..... but a comment will come out as often as possible.
JR
Thanks for the info on the "bone knob".... I can rest easy Knowing others were deflowered in a strange, yet oddly stimulating, way!!!

posted in The Big Banana - 0 replies

The Big Banana

2004-01-30T22:45:47Z

http://www.newint.org/issue317/contents.htm

"most of us at the NI office were peering into a bucket at the reflection of a radiant banana in the skies above Oxford."

posted in The Big Banana - 0 replies

Banana Sex

2004-01-27T09:43:41Z

It's amazing what one can learn if only they want to...

Source: http://english.pravda.ru/fun/2001/03/10/2903.html

Instruction on how to use bananas in sex approved by All-Russian Banana Party

The All-Russian Banana Party, headquartered in the Russian northern city of Vologda, is seriously concerned with the problem of using bananas in sex. On the one hand, African peoples have long abandoned the ritual of a festive defloration of virgins using bananas, the proceedings of the latest BP session state (as for Russia, the ritualistic intercourse using a bone knob had been abandoned even earlier). On the other hand, it seems impossible to somehow ban a long-rooted habit of modern people to encourage themselves, when in bed, with carrots and bananas. Heated debates which broke out at the above BP session over the issue, were finally subdues by the argument that AIDS was not banana-transmitted. So, the Russians are allowed, from March 8th (International Women-s Day) on to rightfully use bananas for any purpose. The presidium of the Banana Party also approved in the first reading the instruction on a non-target use of bananas, according to IMA-press news agency.The agency, however, retrains from citing the instruction - out of ethical considerations.

posted in The Big Banana - 7 replies

YAYAYAYAYAY!!!

2004-01-23T08:44:40Z

We have arch-enemies!

http://antibanana.8m.com/

posted in The Big Banana - 3 replies

Not to be outdone on the cool/weird link thing:

2004-01-23T07:02:05Z

Banana Boy. Be it.

http://www.imagefactory.bz/prjcts_bboy.htm

posted in The Big Banana - 6 replies

Are You Hungry Tonight?

2004-01-21T22:27:48Z

Elvis Presley's Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich

Recipe By : Are You Hungry Tonight: Elvis' Favorite Recipes
Serving Size : 1 Preparation Time :0:05
Categories : Celebrity Sandwiches

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method
1 small ripe banana
2 slices white bread
3 tablespoons peanut butter
2 tablespoons butter

In a small bowl, mash to banana with the back of a spoon. Toast the bread lightly. Spread the peanut butter on one slice of toast and the mashed banana on the other. Fry the sandwich in melted butter until each side is golden brown.
Cut diagonally and serve hot.

NOTES : Elvis loved his "peanut butter and nanner" sandwiches. At a hefty 36 grams of fat, they probably helped do him in.

posted in The Big Banana - 4 replies

the sneeze

2004-01-21T19:33:54Z

try this link:

http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000070.html

it is interesting, the things that people make the time for!

posted in The Big Banana - 5 replies

absolutely fascinating

2004-01-20T10:05:29Z

so i'm havin' a smoke during lunch break in the little smokers' courtyard. i'm on one bench, another woman, on another bench, smoking as well. she had a banana on her lap. still smoking, she picks up the banana and starts to turn it over slowly in her hands, like it's the most awe-inspiring, breath-taking, fascinating thing she's ever seen, like she's trying the memorize every scratch and bruise on the damn thing.

i just thought i'd share this little banana oddity story with y'all.

posted in The Big Banana - 1 reply

Poem?

2004-01-20T08:50:08Z

Banana Shoes

Prior to the prowling green telephone cups

There were fluffy striped apple jars

That came to overdevelop the plaid beaver skirts

Beside the polka dotted limousine.

Nobody could ever have imagined the banana shoes

Could have levitated the purple tower

That broadcasts the tapioca dwarf's atomic fingers

Over the tiny green mountain by the golf ball.

posted in The Big Banana - 0 replies

Is this tribe...

2004-01-17T18:27:32Z

... a veiled reference to the opposite of "all things vagina?" Cause that's fun!

posted in The Big Banana - 3 replies